i think i like bel.

nope i'm not les in case ur wondering.
there goes keli's advice on knowin da guy as a fren 1st
but it'll die down soon.

i hope.

why muz he like saints?
so pure & pretty..
statuesque too!

GAH

i'm no saint, i'm selfish n dirty like a pig.
wat to do?
continue to masquerade as da 'friendly' guyish fren lor..

*stares a hole in the wall*

Yesterday night, i went ktv-ing wif jing yi, jia hui, alyssa and bing rong. Despite the cigarette smoke drifting from the air vents and my phlegmy throat, I had a great time =) Jia Hui's powerhouse vocals shouldn't be enjoyed by juz us, it should be shared wif the whole singapore in the next superstar!!! Hahaha.. and i like to hear bing rong deliver jay chou songs wif that ease and laidback 'tude. Whereas I muz learn more songs, good-to-sing-along songs =) and inject more feeling cuz i sound like a robot right now.

Erm, well wat happened recently, oh yeah I'm 4 tutorails late in Maths, missing a chunk in Bio and floundering in Chem as usual. ART's the worst, I'm so damn stressed and depressed cuz i'm only at my first miniscule piece of pencil work for prep -_____-" Wushu is deflating, I've only mastered TWO sword sequences so far. April inter sch is not far away and I need to train my stamina. With PE mock-Road Runs, Duoathlon and a biathlon I plan to join in March, I hope it's enuf. Hopefully my bike tyres can be replaced soon so I can cycle to sch every morn and back home in the evening. Plus saturday dance? Argh, I'm not up to par wif Liling wrt FLEXIBILITY and SINCERITY, and Soph wrt STRENGTH and SUPERB MEMORY. Ack, I need to tone my legs, beat the tummy flab, sculpt the abs, and bulk up my arms. Hopefully I can achieve a pull-up earlier than ________. heh.

Oh haha, and grow out my hair, it's take a long looong time =P Cut it in the first place to shear off my past mistakes and make a new beginning. Major aspirations include: SLEEPING enuf, being NICE to family, mum especially, staying POSITIVE. Secondary goals include: having better taste in fashion, music and guys (lol) It's normal i guess, to yearn for a special someone, to fulfil my feminine side, *GASP* (yes it actually exists)Buuuuuut..it ain't the right time and no right guy in sight yo.

Can't think of anything else, will update for sanity's sake soon.

I'm down with gastric flu. Although it's makin my life miserable, I'm thankful for it too. For once, i actually fully appreciate my parents, (oh shucks i'm gettin teary already) Like last night, when i was deliriously spouting nonsense and blacked out suddenly only to be 'woken up' by my father who was hollering for my mother to call the ambulance. LOL~ I felt as helpless as a baby, always gets these hallucinations and same few nightmares when running a high fever. Anyway, both of them were sponging and massaging me and kept a bedside vigil all night. I felt truly loved. Argh..my maid loves me too, cooked special meals knowing how picky my tastebuds are when I'm ill. Not one drop of oil or sugary stuff yeaurgh! I've also realised that I've been taking my health for granted. In future, when stuck btw homework and sleep, I'll definitely choose sleep -_____-"

The hols has been great so far! Shall update soon... Wait to prevent me frm forgetting: Wed coldwear Thu scuba diving Fribowen's bday

I am now pleasantly drunk. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'm 4.5, but da red wine wasn't excellent, bah~ My dad advised me not to drink on an empty stomach or the alcohol will be absorbed v quickly, but he added tat being moderately drunk (a.k.a. qing1 piao1 piao1 feeling) is THE whole point of drinking. I fully agree *hic* cuz I end up much much nicer than usual, as in I'm not as sharp to reply my mum scathingly, OR rebuke my dad's effort to know wad's goin' on in my life. I didn't even scold my sis when she wore my favourite 'Mrs Incredible and Violet' tee, hahaha =D This is definitely a gd sign! OK...oK..it might be the $200 worth of clothes I bough prior to dinner at Foo House >,<" It's so liberating to choose my own clothes & sniff out a good deal (ya know..tat ONLY XS size available during 30% storewide disount, gettin da Giordano membership from an EXACT $100 receipt, then buying a rly nice tee shirt wif the newly obtained 10% discount, etc.) However, it has made me more aware of the choices I make, cuz my mum will be keepin a close eye on my shopping habits [+_+]<0

Hmm..I'm glad tat today went well, maybe it's cuz yesterday went well (^^,) Yep...I went to Lao Shi's lessons at Foochow Assoc & got to learn the first 2 parts of NEW jing4 sai4 sword sequence!! Well it isn't much of an achievement, since sophie alr knows the 4-duan chang2 quan2, broadsword AND spear=>*sIgH* I gotta BUCK UP! Well after tat, all 3 of us went to eat lunch wif lao shi at Lavender Food Court, haha..(with Material Girl blasting in the background) There we leanrnt abt his 3-cups-daily addiction to caffeine and his deciosion to spray paint his car PINK! My GAWD~lolz.. After tat Soph left for a family photoshoot with her usual cool sartorial style; Liling went to celebrate Joanne's 17th b'day at Orchard, while I went to Mountbatten CC for SBM's 'Sport's Day'. It was wonderful =D Lotsa shouting and sweatin (& swearing)! Haha...then hwee took me under his wing & introduced me to...WEIGHTLIFTING! Yeah~ if anyone is qualified to teach tat it's hwee, cuz he's joining SEA games sooon xD, which is rly cool, if not for da fact tat he quit his job to pursue training full-time -______-" Mich also took it up earlier for fitness so she demo-ed some of da moves to me. ARGHHH..now my shoulder & waste & thighs r aching like siao!! Haha..not only tat, hwee also used his super strength to help me stretch and crack my spine so I felt V limber after training. Then, Sou Kuin begged me to go joggin wif her so we left da gym and jogged along the park connector to CHUNG CHENG!! Arhz...missed it so much tat i went on 'tour guide' mode =P bringing SK to all da bldgs and around da beautiful lake, much clearer due to da heavy rains. I was so inspired tat I banged on the piano at the Concourse overlookin da lake ;) & even struck up a conversation wif da white-haired lady who oversees da bball team {*_*} as i said, i was hyper..

Hmm...u might be wondering at my sudden bout of verbal diarrhoea after a loooong period of constipation. Well, for once I was enjoying myself after Promos (no point dwelling on my DDUDC) and also I couldn't acknowledge the fundamental shift in my mood. I'm no longer love-sick. Smarting from the rough patch YES but mooning wif sad puppy eyes NO. Well, I've come to realise tat guys haf an exceptionally high self-esteem & they place a heavier focus on physical appearance while girls, alright..especially ME, are more insecure and invest heavily opn emotions. As my trusted Chi physicain cum shrink expounded, "Do not lay out ur cards so quickly for girls will 'deprecate' in da guy's eyes." Haha...but he did praise me for my mature thinking and refusal to xian4 de geng4 shen1; it's obvious tat he's an 'old bird' in sensual matters while I'm a greenhorn. GAH~I shall seduce younger guys from now on >D muahaha~

Caught The Prestige with the Art ppl at The Picturehouse Cathay. Before that I rushed to Plaza Singapura and ate a quick dinner at Pastamania. Thank goodness I did cuz i was broke after payin for the $9 tic but rach insisted on dining at Cafe Cartel. Mrs Neo and Mark came too and we were almost late for the 8.50pm show.

IT was an UNFORGETTABLE night. ~Christian Bale~ *screams*

Woah~ I ponned sch today and was planning to go out and watch Deathnote when Shujuan suddenly smsed to say that Mrs Neo is takin us to HCI and NJC to view d A level artworks. Like 5 minutes before take-off. Talk about short notice. So yep, took a cab down and d back of Mrs Neo's 7-seater was damn squashed and stuffy lar..

At HCI, they had sooo many specialised rooms for animation, fashion photography, studios, etc. o.O" They're exhibition layout was superb; the students' artworks were displayed in individual cubicles or on partitions, along walkways, just like in a gallery. The works were all pretty amazing except this obviously rushed one comprising apples with moulded plastic noses stuck on them. A variety of techniques were used, from carving intricate designs on clear acrylic using a dentist's drill, to framed up 'pages' of a picture book, each of them composed by layering wooden boards to create a 3D landscape. They had a coupla videos too, shot in different styles. One was the traditional script, one was a slideshow with narration, yet another was a wierd fashion showcase done by this girl fascinated wif DINOSAURS for some reason. The traditional paintings in acrylic oil and watercolor were good but unexciting, really bland in fact. Oh wait wait, and there was this work that is influenced by Japanese culture, wad with the geisha silk screen and origami cranes hung up to cast a shadow on it, didn't get wad the bowls on the floors meant tho..

We then proceeded to NJC, right opp HCI. Mr Lim, our guide, intro himself as the technician of NJ art. I couldn't agree more. His students' works were an eye-opener. Lotsa installations, sculptures and video art and even a website. One that stuck with me was the series of circular clay sculptures suspended in mid-air by industrial strength stockings with spotlights within. Since one of them kept exploding, the shattered mess on the floor became intentional. Another one was 5 paper scrolls that was hung up on the wall and extended to the ground like an outstretched palm. It was full of pencil or charcoal scribbles to resemble the amount of hair at different stages of life. He took the longest to complete, surprisingly. I liked the one on WOMAN! Two sculptures of two dresses. Taller than chris and jinxy..the protagonist was about "outside strong, inside soft" the outer layer was stuck with tiny black and white pebbles to form color gradation while the inner layer was lined with feathers. The antagonist was "outside pure and innocent, inside cruel and twisted" It's empire waisted, gets really poofy and ball shaped (due to the wire netting skeleton) in the middle and tapers down to the end. It's covered with white fluffy feathers, but the inside is lined with spikes and nails. Really cool~gonna do smth on women next year too (^^,)

Better write down my ideas in case I forget. Women of this age must be adept at surviving in a society which is redefining the roles and position of women. Women used to be very meek in a male-oppressed environment. Then came the hippie era, expounding flower power and not much real substance, followed by hard-core bra-burning feminism. However now women are vvv capable, able to balance all aspects of her life, whether at home (as the indeispensable mother, wife and maid), at work (climbing the corporate ladder, women CEOs or bitching office girls wadeva) AND in human relationships and interaction in general (think finding and keeping friends, dispatching 'friends' and hunting for mates) I'd like to think that now is the chance for women to show others what we've got, the world is our stage for us to extend our power and influence. Thus I'd like to represent such adeptness at switching between 'soft' and hard' approaches (plus everything in between of course..) using Wu3(dance) and Wu3(martial arts).

Feelin kinda overwhelmed these few days, that's why I didn't bother to update on LJ. Things have sorta spiralled to a new low. Especially my studies, to the point whereby i'm dangerously numb to atrocious failure. It's time...to reset my priorities and focus.

Most recently, we've gotta perform this sunday 22 Oct at Singapore Foochow Assoc. It's Derek lao shi's first major exposure to friends and inside people. So he's understandably quite stressed, and his normally steady-as-TAI-mountain composure is rumbling ominously. Can't blame him though...cuz most of us are in bad shape...& I'm like..the WORST? shit~ So yeah, fitness muz be my long-term goal. Stamina, Stretchability and Strength.

Related to fitness is my dance and wushu ability. I WANT to boost my calibre. For dance, I aim to reach the stage whereby difficult moves look effortless and the audience can see how much I enjoy being immersed in the choreo and music. For wushu, it's to memorise more sequences and polish many many many times till the whole thing flows. Obviously, I wish to imbue that elusive X-factor that makes people gasp and be riveted.
LOL~but I need to feeeel invincible first =P

Second main thing is la acadaemia, which suxo totalini. Maths is ok cuz I still can catch the concepts, but more practice and revision is required to score better. Bio is all abt large amounts of data and and giving the marker what he/she wants using the minimum no. of words. Chem is more problematic. I lack the patience to settle down, grasp the formulas/reagents/conditions, draw the link in explanations and following the standard steps in anwering questions. VVV time-consuming. Art hmm...mixed feelings. The painting part, I'm not distinctive and I can't reach the meditative state of concentrating only on one particular area of the canvas. Arhz~muz develop my personal style. SOVA.. it's help if i got into the momentum of trawling thru the info and extracting the essential points for each movement and artist in the syllabus, making comparisons and thinking up an effective structure for answers.

Third area is social networking. As one can see, I'm hooked by Friendster. Obsessive compulsive in changing my profile and churning out testi for friends. I guess smart ppl dun do frenster, frenz in real life keeps them busy enuf..It's not like my life is barren of frenz and mutual admiration. Just that I tend to out myself down by expounding on flaws instead of enhancing my advantages. By revealing too much to even the most well-meaning and nice fren could backfire, as can be seen frm certain galz i confide in. Ack~I should learn to let my emotions simmer inside for a little more and die down based on my own willpower and the 'fade' effect of time.

Fourthly, is my identity crisis. Why am I, a fortunate gurl living in Singapore, so uncontented with myself? What defines me? What would i wanna persue for the rest of my life wrt career and relationships? Are there easy answers? No...but I ought to start thinkin abt who I am and what I wanna do this life. In other words, what is the message I wanna see on my tombstone? Good question. I want mine to say "Funky carebear. Lived the life. Walked the talk. Never-ending love."

Obviously, it's quite impossible cuz Buddhists cremate our remains, but I'd like my obituary to be some artwork in a gallery =P

Jogged to huan yuet's place to pass her her present. As she was havin tuition, Meng Meng (her Pekingese dog) ran to the gate and yipped welcome. He looks so cute & cuddly now after shaving that monstrous mass of hair! Had a nice chat wif her maid too, she actually remembered my name =p haha~

Then I went to da park, climbed to da top of the phallic structure and sat there hunched over hugging my legs (like some sacrificial virgin, lol). The inky sillhouettes of trees and houses were a stark contrast to the soothing orange night sky. Gem-like amber street lights lit up the hazy grey ribbon of road. It was so dreamlike, like some parallel universe. Love the cold wind and hypnotising.. swaying.. shadows.

My thoughts drifted to him AGAIN. This morning while milling outside da audi, there he was sprawled on da stairs legs flung wide, looking all forlorn like a little boy (how tempting), a loyal lackey by his side. But i forcibly turned away and stared blankly at the wall like a disused doll. After all, he has a harlem of pretty slaves, each of them an sms away.

I refuse to succumb like his latest love interest, [jia yi is so passe..]. Go and die.. Why him? WHY! Argh FREAK..

It was condemned from the start.. Ivan, exhibiting precocious insights on romantic dalliances & so very familiar wif da female anatomy (yes i now noe wad u were drawing!), commented that to love is to accept the high probability of getting hurt by the ugly thorns lying under the bed of roses.How can I let someone into my heart (or under my skirt for tat matter..) if i don't like myself? In fact I hate myself & beat myself up comparing myself to other gurls (i hate friendster)! TRIPLE *bish*

WTF i'm talkin in tat pseudo tragically-misunderstood emo way again.. which doesn't make sense but it's exactly how i feel. Jia Yi likes to direct movies in her head. (~_<)oO( *daydreams* )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

....(After 50 mins)

AwW...OSY CALLED ME => i'm in shock. That ultra pragmatic, super self-centred genius who looks like Gollum when she grins actually INVITED me to visit HCI open house!! Wahaha! I'm ecstatic xD She's doing well, thriving in fact. I'm glad =)

Ack..i juz remembered...sze hwee was charmed by HIM too.. She's in wushu, which is not quite unbelievable since she's 100% cheena like me. Shite, hafta compete against ANOTHER fren next april, in add to fangyu, yumi, hy & da incredible sophhiiiee...

Oh btw ytd derek lao shi n yun yun jie gave me my belated bday present *squeals in delight*: Strawberry body shop gel douche! Ok liu xing got da same thing but still..how sweet of them! Oh then I scurried to buy a last min present for Prisc (BLUE earrings cuz i noe she likes PINK >P), in BJ it's easy to find smth gd in 5 mins flat.

I'm kinda saded..we were havin dance meeting at bugis moz u see, n lao shi was allocating jobs. I'm in charge of stage deco, audience layout, light refreshments n photo exhibit (down memory lane kinda thing) while SOPHIE got The Job as lao shi's PA (personal assistant) AND overall POC (point of contact) *sulks* She gets to call everyone, noe da seniors n hob nob wif famous teachers, etc *humph* Maybe it's cuz she's so professional while I'm downright kuku at times.

(..like LOL-ing in Moz till people o.O") *bleahx*

Wang4 chen2.. mo4 ji2.. I'm left in da cloud of dust by the trail tat sophie blazed. So remorseful, why did i wile away my time and energy on 'useless' activities? Like tat unhealthy obsession with him for example. Maybe it's cuz he's v confident (ok arrogant if u insist -_____-"), goofy, thinks he's God's gift to women, and has a serious(ly cool) side. A nice smile and a hot bod doesn't hurt either.

Arrhhz...time for PEP TALK. Jia Yi, my sincere advice is, STOP IT!!

DON'T view his friendster profile anonymously every night and giggle spastically at his lame pics.
DON'T read every single one of his testimonials. (Too late; been dere, done dat.)
DON'T continue tat morbid fascination wif the girls he fraternise wif.
DON'T curse yourself for not joining wushu in chung cheng just so u'll noe him earlier.
DON'T think tat he'll wipe his sex-oriented Neanderthalish system & miraculously convert into a SNAG (sensitive new age guy, which sophie btw has snagged..YEEJEK)
DON'T bluff urself into squeezing into 'The Ideal Gal' mould he set. But..

DO change into a better person, to family, frenz and acquaintances. HE is an acquaintance, now. & foreva, AMEN.